i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
