Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
