my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
