bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
