ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
how do you play pong handcuffed?
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
