Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
