Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
