I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
