a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
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