ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Randomize
