I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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