eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
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