He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Randomize
