saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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