Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
