me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
