after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
