I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
