some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
