apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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