Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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