Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
