My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
my shit smells like andre
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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