Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
