what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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