he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
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