I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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