It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
