what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Randomize
