every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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