is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
