Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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