omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
She needs sedatives and a leash
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Randomize
