cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
