Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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