We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
That accounts for only three of the penises
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
