So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
