Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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