hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
