Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Randomize
