We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
