Apparently you make a good broom.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
