Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
