Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
