he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
