you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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