she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
