He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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