don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
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