you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
