Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
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