she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
