True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Randomize
