if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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