I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
