Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
