3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
